You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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