Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
