I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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