you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My pussy is not your playground.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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