Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
