apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
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Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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