You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
