I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize