His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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