I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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