dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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