If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
