You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So I just went to clothing optional bar
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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