I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
