tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
