I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
