and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
