Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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