oh god the rape fog is back!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
