I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
