i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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