I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
