A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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