Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
