Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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