I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize