everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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