oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up under a house in Key West
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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