I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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