Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
