Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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