Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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