I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
