He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
