I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you inspire me to be a worse person
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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