she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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