It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
