You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
