I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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