Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
