Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
