I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
