I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
