Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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