i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
