im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
