Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
