I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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