I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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