I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
