We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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