Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
