i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
