Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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