A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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