I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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