I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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