my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
