I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked