I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
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Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.