I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...