I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
