My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go