It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
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you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.