she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
