You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
