What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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