Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
